Chapter 46
Xena’s POV
“Why are you stopping me?” I asked, disappointment clear in my voice.
Logan walked over and placed his hand on my shoulder. “X, don’t be like that.”
I gently moved his hand away and headed toward the cafeteria. “Fine, whatever. See you
later, boys.” I pulled out Helen’s diary and began flipping through it quickly.
By the time I reached the cafeteria, it was already buzzing with activity. I tucked the diary back into my bag and stood in line, waiting. Logan walked in and took a seat next to
Keira. She looked thrilled.
Just as I grabbed my lunch, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
“Hey gorgeous! Come sit with us!” Ama beamed, her smile bright as sunshine.
I glanced over at their table where Ryder had just sat down. Then I looked at our usual spot where Samuel was staring at me, his gray eyes intense. My heart twisted painfully, a strange anxiety washing over me. The emotional rollercoaster of the past few days was almost too much to bear, especially with all this unresolved tension.
“Maybe tomorrow. I’m not really hungry anyway.”
I turned and dumped my food, practically fleeing the cafeteria and heading outside. The breeze made my hair dance against my cheeks as I kept walking. I expected Ama to follow, or maybe Samuel, but it was Logan who caught up to me, grabbing my shoulder and forcing me to face him.
“What’s going on? You never let those girls get to you before.”
“It’s not them, at least not directly. It’s everything. You know we turn eighteen in four days. For you, nothing changes; for me, everything will.”
I wanted to be honest with him, to let him see what was really bothering me.
“Come sit down,” Logan guided me to a nearby tree and we sat beneath it. He draped his arm around my shoulder comfortingly. “Tell me what’s really bothering you.”
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Chapter 46
“Why did you-” I started.
“Don’t change the subject. Tell me the truth.”
“Damn it. It’s.everything. What if Samuel is my mate? Then I’ll be stuck here. We’ve been telling ourselves this whole time not to have feelings, that if one of us did, we’d stop. He never told me, and now if we’re not mates, he’s going to be hurt.” My voice trembled slightly, my emotions a complicated mess.
“What about Ryder?” Logan asked.
“What about him?” Logan heard my heart skip a beat.
“Do you think he’s your mate?”
That was the million–dollar question. I lowered my head, my fingers unconsciously drawing circles in the dirt, my thoughts tangled like a ball of yarn.
“It feels different. Samuel is like a protector, always has been, but Ryder feels like an
equal. He doesn’t know me like all of you do, so he just… lets me be me.” I tried to keep
my voice even.
“That’s not what I asked.”
“Ryder could provide a new place to live, away from Martha.” I dodged the real question.
“X, stop thinking with your head and start feeling with your heart. Your brain won’t tell you who your mate is. You can’t control this. Only your heart has those answers.” Logan’s
words hit me like a bell ringing in my chest.
“Yeah…” I replied weakly.
“I see the way Ryder looks at you. If you leave your childhood friends for your mate, you
shouldn’t feel guilty about it.”
“So you think Ryder is my mate?” I looked up at him, eyes wide.
“I’m just saying if it’s not Samuel, you shouldn’t feel guilty.” Logan gave me a half–smile.
“Would you feel guilty if it’s not Keira?” I asked.
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pter 46
“In some ways, yes. She’s not Luna material, but I do have feelings for her. I guess I wouldn’t struggle to let go like you would.”
“I just want to hide at the beach,” I said half–jokingly, fantasizing about the freedom of escaping all these complicated relationships.
“Maybe as a graduation gift,” Logan laughed and stood up.
“If I’d known that, I would have graduated four years ago.”
“Ha! See you later.” Logan said as he got up, straightening his clothes.
“You’re not making me go to class?” I asked, looking toward the school.
“No, take the afternoon off.”
A bright smile spread across my face.
Logan leaned down and kissed my forehead. “Just don’t make me regret it. Stay out of trouble.”
“I’m going straight to my shop,” I promised.
“Good.”
After separating from Logan, I ran straight to my locker to grab my things, then raced to the parking lot where I hopped on my motorcycle and sped off to my shop. Helen’s diary was the first step in my counterattack.
